Okay. I was just about to start blogging when I happened to look up at the television (which is tuned to TLC so I can watch What Not to Wear in my peripheral vision as I write) and saw a commercial for an upcoming program which has grossed me out so badly that I absolutely have to mention it before moving on. The program was about this man who is half tree, and half man. Half tree! Is this for real? How is such a thing even possible??? Dear God, the pictures of him were so incredibly upsetting I can't even describe them. I'm trying to shake it off.Anyway.
If you've already noticed, there is something very different about the technical circumstances under which I'm writing today. Have you guessed? Here's a hint: I'm not at work. I'm not blogging by cell phone. That's right, I'm at home on my very own computer! Not a new computer, unfortunately, but my very old, very outdated Gateway laptop. Remember Gateway? I'm pretty sure I'm the only person who still owns one. My version of Windows XP is circa 2001. It's very retro. Still, I'm proud of this computer. My senior year of high school I entered a scholarship competition that I read about in my guidance counselor's office sponsered by Coca-Cola and the San Diego Public Transit Authority. I wrote an essay about the (very limited) history of public transportation in San Diego, and about six weeks later I received a phone call telling me that I was one of fifteen students selected to attend an awards luncheon at Coca-Cola headquarters, at which I was to receive my winnings: a $250 scholarship and a free Gateway laptop, complete with carrying case. Yes, apparently even at 17 I could bullshit in essay format with the best.
It's been about four years since my computer connected to the internet. My first semester of freshman year my roommate Megan's parents offered to pay for our internet connection. I went totally hogwild, downloading music and AIMing like crazy, to the point where I was finally inundated with viruses. Then Megan dropped out over winter break, and I was left again without internet access. After that, I reasoned that I just couldn't afford it and didn't need to, when the computer lab at school stayed open until 2 am every night. Since graduation, I've done what I could, stealing internet access at work and paying for it at Kinko's, then breathing a sigh of relief when I got my Palm Centro cell phone which had complete, miniature internet browsing ability. Then last night, Matty suggested I try connecting my computer directly to the router, since it lived in my subletted room right by my bed. Low and behold, it worked! I'll never be the same again! DVR, cable, and internet? Matty is spoiling the hell out of me. Thank goodness I've finally started to make some money so I'll be able to pay for all these technological goodies.
So, now that I've got all those tangents out of the way, let me tell you about my day. It was an ordinary, unremarkable day, but a perfect, lovely one nonetheless. Having closed at Tabla Monday night, then worked a thirteen hour double yesterday, my body was begging me to stay in bed this morning. Alas, I had to face another lunch shift, so I hoisted my worn-out self out of bed, put myself together as quickly as possible (given my insomnia) and rolled out the door, pausing to grab an apple and a magazine for the subway.
I was just telling Matty last night that I've started to realize the only way I'm going to be able to sustain working full time at both restaurants is to force myself to adapt a healthy new routine. Last summer, I spent one month working three jobs: teaching by day at the UArts summer program, hostessing by night at Jones, and serving on the weekends at Chili's. It was insane--but I didn't get sick once, and I was the happiest I'd been in a long time because I was managing to fulfill all my needs, both personal, professional, and financial. I was grocery shopping every Sunday evening and packing my lunches, eating really healthy, and taking yoga at the gym on my lunch breaks from the summer program. I've done it before, and I know I can do it again. What gives me the strength and the stamina to endure such a saturated schedule is knowing that it is temporary. I've given myself until February to maintain this ridiculous schedule. True, it doesn't leave much room for a social life, but hey--as Carrie Bradshaw once said, "isn't delayed gratification the definition of maturity?" My main priority right now is taking care to put my life seriously on a healthy track, and that starts with building some financial stability, even if it proves to be temporary, which I've accepted that it may very well be.
This was my online horoscope today:
"You may want to have more stability in your everyday routines, such as diet, exercise and sleep. But there can be too many distractions these days, making self-discipline even tougher than usual. You may reach a point where it's healthier to let go of control, instead of frustrating yourself by trying to tighten your grip on reality. Tomorrow is another day."
Well, shit.
Luckily for me, I've spent the last year purposfully working to accept that change is inevitably out of my control. The tide will always ebb and flow, and while I may not be able to change it, learning to roll with it allows for a sense of flexibility and ease in my life that has taken away my fear of failure. Yes, the confusion still remains, but the fog seems to be clearing little by little and it's fabulous.
I took a bite out of my Golden Delicious apple on the D train this morning and was surprised at how easily my teeth sank into the fruit, and what a satisfying crunch it made. My coppery-pink lipstick left a ring around the bite that glistened in the morning sunlight. I usually only buy Granny Smith apples (for some reason red apples or even Macintosh apples gross me out...I prefer the tartness of green ones.) The Granny Smiths are usually much harder to bite into than this Golden Delicious. Suddenly I was hit by the sensation of Autumn, all at once and very intensely. The potential for beauty and change fills the air everywhere I go in New York; I can feel nature vibrating as the leaves are perched on the very tips of their stems, just itching to change color and fall to the ground. The biggest changes in my life have always happened in the fall, from all the years I moved from school to school as I bounced back and forth between my parent's houses, to every new semester of college that held so much possibility, to last fall when I piled into the UHaul van with Alee and moved myself to New York. The big changes happen between September and January, and through the Winter I hibernate, settling into the new and improved version of my life that I've turned over.
The trains have been running very slowly the past few days, and I was about eight minutes late for work (though I called on the way to alleviate my fear of sullying my brand new unblemished reputation at Tabla.) Once I got onto the floor I settled down, and after several cups of coffee I was ready to work. It was a good shift--I've stopped making mistakes and I've started to create a new muscle memory for the restaurant. I feel settled and satisfied, and very relieved that my schedule has stabilized. As I neared the end of the shift, I started to plan out the rest of my evening. I have the night off and was determined to spend it in the most pleasurable, relaxing way possible so I'd be rejuvenated for my back to back doubles over the nest couple days. When I left the restaurant at 3:45, I headed straight for Union Square. The Farmer's Market was in full swing and I was determined to take advantage of it for the first time, since I had a little money to play with and double paychecks coming on Friday.
Tonight is the finale of Project Runway. Matty and I have been looking forward to this for weeks. It's an even bigger event since it's the show's final season on Bravo before it transfers to Lifetime next season. Miraculously, we both happened to have the evening off, so we planned to spend it together for the first time in weeks. He doesn't get off until 7:30 or so, so I'm cooking dinner for us: turkey burgers and sweet potato fries, with some kind of veggie dish on the side. Matt and I constantly bicker about our opposite beliefs regarding grocery shopping. Both of us love grocery shopping, and love crafting our own meals, although our styles and tastes couldn't be different. For one thing, Matty doesn't really buy or eat much fruit, whereas I crave fruit and juice all the time--it makes up for a large percentage of my shopping. He also buys pre-grated cheese (which I'm just so against), Kraft Singles (ditto), and frozen vegetables. He claims that every time he buys fresh produce it goes bad before he has time to eat it. I think it's a matter of buying less, only as much as you know you can eat in a week. Very few things actually spoil in a week if they're stored in the fridge, even if they're organic. He uses garlic powder instead of fresh garlic. The difference is obvious: he's all about convenience and practicality, whereas I'm all about authenticity and richness of taste and quality. You can tell which one of is is the restaurant snob.
At the market, I look for fresh organic garlic, onions and bell peppers--it's the first time I've ever bought produce at a farmer's market. It feels so fantastic for so many reasons. I feel like I'm getting back to the earth, taking a break from Corporate America with all it's overly-processed, pre-packaged, wasteful superstore glitz, and supporting local vendors at the same time. I feel like I'm making a difference--resisting over-economy, putting my money in the pockets of normal citizens instead of corporations. Shopping at the farmer's market feels like an act of rebellion. And, it makes me feel like part of a community.
I spend $2 on two small yellow onions, a clove of garlic and a green bell pepper...already I can smell how fresh and delicious they will taste with our dinner tonight. My next stop as I meander through the masses of green shoppers with their reusable shopping bags (I left mine at home) is at a little flower stand. The woman running the booth has backed her van into the tent, and its doors are open revealing her dwindling stock of fresh-cut flowers (I'm a little late...the market will start to close down in an hour or so.) I pick a small bouquet of fall-colored chrysantemums, and she tells me they're on sale, so I buy two for $10. The smile up at me with friendly red and yellow faces as I continue on through the market. I stop, on a whim, at a baked goods stand (my weakness) where I pick out a homeade pumpkin loaf and a large chocolate chip cookie (all I've eaten today was that apple and I'm dying for a snack) for a total of $4.50. Down the street from Union Square is a Trader Joe's, complete with an absolutely astounding wine store. This is my favorite new discovery in the entire city. Trader Joe's has a decent little wine selection from all over the world, and not one bottle is over $30 or so. I've purchased two bottles for $10 before...and it's still good quality wine. It's so worth going a few blocks out of my way for: I pick out an Il Valore Sangiovese from Puglia for (are you ready?) $4.59.
So, in half an hour, I've spent about $21 and I've purchased flowers, a bottle of wine, fresh organic veggies for dinner, a cookie for a snack, and a pumpkin loaf. All fresh, all organic, all deliciously satisfying.
New York is possible to enjoy on a budget, after all...you just have to know the little secrets. And stop assuming that the best things come with big price tags.
I'm divinely satiated on the N train ride home, even though I'm exhausted and have to stand (I always forget about rush hour.) I get home, arrange the flowers, and open the bottle of wine. I've decided to try drinking more in an effort to trick myself into going to bed earlier. I know, I know... it's a lonely, treacherous road to alcoholism. Luckily, it doesn't run in my family, and my body is so vulnerable to drugs and alcohol that one glass pretty much always does the trick. And besides, a glass of red wine with dinner is supposed to be good for you, isn't it? Wishful thinking?
"Still Life With Groceries"
Clearly, I am near-sighted in life.
I've been blogging all summer to cope with a serious crash of my morale. Thank goodnessI'm finally changing with the leaves.
(...though thankfully not changing into the leaves...I just remembered the tree-man again. So gross!!!)
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